More, Please!

The day after my whiny tired-of-being-constantly-sick post hit the air, we finally felt well enough to get outside.

So without anything really to say, I just wanted to share the joy of finally escaping the house, after the end of our most recent quarantine.  Such bliss!  Since such activities seemed like mere fantasies just a couple of days before, I had to share a little bit of our happiness with the world.  Our summer to-do list is being checked off.

My little model lounging in the back as I got her barely-used water table ready.

Happy to be outside!

Today, feeling even more like ourselves, we set out to enjoy one of Portland's beautiful outdoor pools.  Cora was in heaven.  We were having too much fun to get any water pics.

Carrot-faced at the pool!

We just may be sharing more of our summer adventures for the next few weeks, if the fun continues.  Just so happy to be out and about.

Thank you to everyone for all your well wishes.  They mean a lot.

Can't Wait

I've written several self-pitying blog posts in the past couple of months. Although a couple snuck out, I didn't publish the rest.

After sitting on them, it just didn't seem right to put my sad, negative words out there.

But trust me, they've been stewing around in my head.

The last couple of months have been rough around here.  We got pretty sick in February, and then in mid-April when Cora got pneumonia, she and I started a cycle of sick that just hasn't stopped.  In the past 9 or so weeks we've had only about 3 weeks without illness.

It's her or me or both of us together.  We're finally both on antibiotics and are on the mend, but are still tired and coughing and just not quite there yet.

And it's been so hard on me.  I have been a whimpering ball of depression.  Zero motivation to do anything beyond alternating episodes of The Office with Signing Time.  We've been holed up in the house watching the world zoom by, missing the spring and early summer and certainly not doing it very gracefully. (Just ask my husband.)

I am so hoping that this is the end of this.  I have a theory about what's been going on with our immune systems, and hoping that things will be looking up.

In the meantime, I am fantasizing about lake swimming, hosting barbecues in our new backyard, and taking Cora out into the excitement of our Portland summers.  I want to make mojitos and go on bike rides, visit yard sales and go to outdoor pools.  I want to make it out of town to meet Cora's brand new cousin without worrying about getting her sick.  I want to have a reason to take a shower and put on clothes.  I want to stop freaking out about Cora's breathing and watch her really have the energy to start to take her burgeoning mobility to new levels.  I want to laugh and sing and play, wear sunscreen and eat popsicles.  I want to see my family.

I want to get over this crud and enjoy our way too short summer.

On Cora Street

More than 5 years ago Nick and I bought our very first, teeny-tiny little house.

Itty bitty and cute as can be.  And it rested on a little street with the sweetest little name:  Cora Street.
 

We got engaged in our house on Cora Street, during a party with our family and friends.

We married one another in our backyard on Cora Street on a hot summer day in July, surrounded by all those we love.

And there we celebrated our most momentous accomplishment to date... we had our sweet baby girl in the living room on Cora Street.

When deciding on baby names, Cora was the name that was first in our minds.  It was one that we'd long loved, even before our lives brought us to this little house. 

For a while we worried that people would laugh when they heard where she lived, but assumed that few people would know.  (Little did we know that at each of her hundreds of doctor's appointments, we'd be asked to confirm our address, and we did hear our fair share of giggles over it.)   But we knew that we'd soon outgrow our tiny little house.

And now it is official.  We have left our little house on Cora Street behind.  A house with so many memories and so much love.  It is bittersweet.

But although she won't remember it, I want my little Cora to know about the place she was born.  Our tiny little house on Cora Street.

Goodbye!

How To Make Moving Fun

Yes, it's true.  Cora and I have been missing in action.  Missing from the community (mostly), missing from family, and missing from a lot of fun.

We are healthy once again. Hallelujah.

But we have been moving.  And moving is huge.  Especially after filling a tiny 1-bedroom house with enough stuff for a house 4 times its size, complete with basement and garage and a husband who keeps a lot of very important stuff.  So it's been a bit of a crazy time.

Miss Cora has been very patient.  She has tolerated being tucked into the playpen in front of Signing Time again and again. She has had her very first babysitter, who she adores.

And, over the last couple of days, my lucky little girlie has gotten to spend time with Favorite Auntie Mira while we loaded and cleaned, packed and unpacked, and did all kinds of things that no 2-year-old should be party to.

So, instead of the posts I've been meaning to give you, I give you instead some priceless glimpses of my favorite girl, with her Auntie Mira.

Mira sure knows how to sing!  Cora loves to sign along!

Woo hoo!  "Little Bunny Foo Foo is the best!"

Yes, she loves Mira. 

Giving Mira her silly sideways glance.

Blowing kisses to Mira.

My girl loves her auntie.  So much so that she signs "Mira" every time she sees a picture of a blond-haired woman.

I'm not sure how she'll react when Mira has her own little baby in a few months.  But we are excited to welcome her new cousin, and I am excited to see my baby sister become a mama. 

And we're very happy that Mira was here to entertain our girl during the busy mess.

Bleh

I feel so useless.  Useless and exhausted and sad.

It seems like between me and Cora someone has been sick for most of 2013.

It's funny, since until she turned 2 she seemed to have a great little immune system.  And my own previously poor immune system had been doing pretty well, holding up even in light of the stresses of the past couple of years.  I guess I should have known.  Sometimes my body has a sense that I don't always pick up on, staying strong through the hard stuff only to collapse when it's behind me.

But I guess two plus years of way too little sleep must have caught up with us.

After our shared cold last week I had a couple okay days and overdid it.  Then came a bad cough. Again.

I'm spending my days in my pajamas, doing the bare minimum, feeling guilty for the hours that I leave the television on.  Constantly imploring the universe to keep this crud from Cora's tiny lungs. 

I hate the fear I feel every time I hear congestion in her upper airway, the small panic when I hear her cough, knowing that it doesn't take much to put her back in respiratory distress and back in the hospital.  The hospital is not where we want to be.  Especially after last month's visit ran about $25,000 and our out-of-pocket is high.

I've been beating myself up about my lack of inspired writing, or even inspired living.  Tired of not being inspired.  Tired of not having the energy to do good enough for Cora.  Being in this depressed cycle, feeling sorry for myself even when I know things aren't really that bad sucks.  But how I want to escape from the confines of my tiny house, to go and play in the sun (with plenty of sunscreen and wide-brim hats, of course.)

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that things start looking up, as I let my girlie entertain me and revel in the amazing things that she does. I'm hoping to get the perspective to allow me to start seeing the good a little more.

A glimpse of the goodness:  Cora having a blast taking pictures, complete with pretend coughs. Yes, pretend play has taken some new forms over here.

My Kind of Entertainment

Hanging out at home all day is hard for me.  It's hard for me to have the patience to keep Cora entertained all day.  That's why I love outings. Cora gets to explore something different and exciting and I get to break up our days.

Days spent at home sick always feel soooo long.

But today I have been giggling at my girl's antics repeatedly.  It's like she's accomplishing all these new little milestones and doing it with a serious case of attitude and a runny nose.

Some of the things that have had me laughing or excited in the past day or so include:

• Using signs in new combinations more and more.  Today she knocked on the bedroom door (While Nick was talking on the phone in his home office), and signed "Hear Daddy." 

• Crawling underneath and then getting stuck under a barstool.

• Learning to cruise between the couches and letting go with one hand to reach.  She needed a little coaxing, but soon was doing it with no help.

• Getting up onto the couch by herself for the first time to climb into my lap.

• Learning how to escape from the belt of her high chair.  This mama had to be clever to come up with a new restraint ASAP.

• Refusing to walk with her push cart or any of her other push toys.

• Saying "again" and "push" for the first time.  These words, like most of her spoken words, still count as approximations. Her enunciation needs a little work.  But they are her attempts at words, all the same.

• Throwing fake crying tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants.  (OK, so not super excited about this, but I have to admit that it's been comical at times.)

• And the funniest:  Saying "mum" for "no."  She has said "dada" for ages. She would occasionally say "mama" but only under dire circumstances, like when I wasn't immediately accessible.  But in the past month or two she's been calling me "mama" with much more regularity.  To show "no", usually she has shaken her head in silence, waving her arm in front of her, and occasionally signing "no."  But now she does all the aforementioned movements while saying "Mum. Mum." with a serious expression.  I find it rather hilarious and a tiny bit insulting.  Especially since, in typical two-year-old fashion, absolutely everything is "no" right now.  But hey.  I'll take it. 

So that's how we're keeping ourselves entertained right now, stuck at home with the sniffles, hoping things look up in time for the weekend. 

"Yeah, I'm talking to YOU!"

Gloomy

The rain has hit again after being teased by a couple weeks of blue skies and trips to the park.  Escaping the winters when Cora refuses to go outside and escaping the house after being sick for what felt like so long was bliss.

But with the return of the rain has come the return of the crud.  I don't know what is going on with us this year.  A month ago Cora was just out of the hospital and still recovering from pneumonia when I was hit hard.  Since her recovery she is on her 2nd cold... in less than a month.  The girl that I once thought had a great immune system is taking some big hits this spring.

At least these colds have been fairly mild, but they've still kept us cooped in at home.  And I am once again sick, for the second time in less than a month.

So my desire to write, to express, to do anything with much joie de vivre has been suffering.  I want to have things to say.  I want to spend time with friends. I want to have energy and to get out there and have some fun.

But we are once again sitting in our little house with the heat on, watching the rain hit the windows, thinking of all the fun things we could go do if only we weren't contagious.

To lift my spirits a little, perhaps I need  a glimpse of my girly on the beach again, lips ringed in sand and Veggie Stix...

Ah, there... that is helping.  A little.