I took a call from a friend a few days ago, who broke the news that a mutual acquaintance of ours is expecting a baby. My friend wanted to know if I would talk to her, since she is interested in having a home birth. My friend also hoped that I would be willing to talk to her about prenatal testing options, since she is worried about the risk of things "going wrong." It seems that if there were anything "wrong", it'd be a deal breaker.
So my friend thought that I'd be the perfect person for her to talk to. And as happy as I am to talk about what we've been through, I started to wonder what I would say. What do I have to offer? I guess I do know about the testing options available now... And I have a wonderful naturopathic midwife that I'd trust with my own life. And now I have all this perspective on the subject of prenatal testing and things "going wrong"... right? Since things "went wrong" with me?
But what I don't have is the perspective on making the kind of choices that prenatal testing tends to lead to.
What I hope that I could offer is the perspective on how things can turn out perfectly right even when the test results don't give you the answers that you may have wanted. And I could help guide her toward glimpses of other families whose lives have been enhanced by the very extra chromosome that so many others perceive as being wrong. Moms like Annie, Megan, Courtney, and Jennifer. I can hope that our stories could give a worried expectant mother a vision of other options when looking into prenatal testing.
But what do I say in the meantime? Am I strong enough to offer my insights knowing full well that even so, the recipient could very well still make a choice that breaks my heart? I guess I have to be. Because that is part of learning to be a voice for my daughter. Especially in an age where the vast majority of babies diagnosed prenatally are not carried to term.
I guess discovering what to say will have to be a work in progress. I can certainly say that Cora is the greatest joy of my life and that if I could, I'd choose to have her over and over again.
Things went right with us :-> We got little Beanie!
ReplyDeleteWe sure did! Lucky us!
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who made it pretty clear to me during her last pregnancy that if she had gotten negative testing, she *would* have done something about it. Even knowing Samantha and how amazing our life is. This is a very good friend, but that admission did cast a shadow over our relationship, even though she doesn't know it. Some people are just set on that idea of "perfection." I was just set on the idea of having a *baby*, regardless of any possible diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what I would say either. I had a friend, shortly after she found out she was expecting, ask me if I would go through the testing if we were having another knowing what happened with Sweet Pea. And I couldn't even give her a straight answer.
ReplyDeleteYour lil bean is adorable in her pink hat =)
If I were going to beg for anything it would be fashion advice. Holy Lord, that girl is positively edible. xoxo
ReplyDeleteShe looks fabulous in that hot pink!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah for amazing midwives! I feel for you, I haven't been faced with that situation and if I ever am...oh boy. I guess I'd always be willing to talk to the person in the hope that I could save a little life, but it would be crushing to know it didn't work.
ReplyDelete