I think I may have, once or twice.
Things came to a bit of a desperate head a few days ago, and after much pleading, Nick finally agreed that we could officially start taking shifts with the Bean to at least try and get half-nights of individual uninterrupted sleep. So that was working well. After a couple days of OK sleep I finally got a good night of sleep (because I went to bed so dang early, I got almost 7 hours of sleep before going into be awakened frequently for the next 3-4 hours.) So yesterday I was feeling pretty darned good.
Then last night, I tucked myself in at the "late" hour of 9:30. And looked at the clock until at least 3:30. I tried reading. I tried breathing and meditation exercises. I even tried to count sheep. Why?! Why?! Then I settled in with Cora and actually slept, if you don't count all the wake-ups.
I know everyone deals with insomnia sometimes. Some people deal with it all the time. It's just that it seems that half my mental energy is directed at helping Cora to sleep better, so I feel so defeated when I can only blame my lack of sleep on me.
Not to say that I I'm never tempted to blame it on Cora. But really, how can I? She's 12 months old. On a good night she wakes up only 8-10 times. On a bad night it's more like 50 times. Sometimes I just lie awake listening to her try to breathe, but then her breath gets stuck and she gasps for air, waking herself up. The poor girl just needs to get some sleep. She needs to help that little developing brain out. But she can't, because a couple hours into her night, she just can't seem to stay asleep.
Do I sound a little manic? A little desperate? Actually, I feel a lot desperate.
One thing I've noticed about becoming a mother is that whatever crisis you're dealing with, it feels like an enormously huge thing. Like heart failure. Or open heart surgery. Or constipation. Or congestion. Or not sleeping. You'd think that heart surgery would trump not sleeping, but right now not sleeping feels almost as bad. Almost.
Well, now we're in full pursuit of some sleep help but there is a LONG wait to get in. Dang it! Why did I drag my feet about this for so long? Now we have to wait until mid March to see the sleep neurologist. We're seeing the ENT tomorrow, even though our pediatrician basically told us it would be a waste of time to do before seeing the neurologist. But oh well. We'll take what we can get.
OK, time to go get the little girl who just napped for a whopping 40 minutes. Here's hoping tonight's a better night.
And, for sticking it out through this whine session of mine, how about a cute picture of Miss Beanie to take our minds off it all?
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| A bit blurry, but this shows how much she loves Baby Signing Time. I wonder... how bad would it be to play our 4 discs over and over today? |
I have no idea how you do it!! Kennedy was up from 3:30-5:30am last night and I feel like a walking zombie today! Good luck with the appointments!
ReplyDeleteGlad your hubby is giving you a hand... It's so the pits!!! I'd make sure you're on a cancellation list for the neurologist- Not all of our offices here keep cancellation lists, but some do, so it may be worth a shot. I've also heard that some ENTs will order a sleep study; you could beg and plead (shed a tear or two while you're at it) and see if he can pull any strings. Our ped can order them, too- I wonder why yours is making you start with the neuro?
ReplyDeleteSounds like you know it's her gasping for breath, but for what it's worth, Piper went through a period of NOT sleeping at-all-not-even-a-wink about a year ago. We found out, eventually, that it was sensory related. Do you have an OT? If so, ask about joint compressions. They won't hurt anything, but, if you're like me, you're willing to try ANYTHING...
Good luck. I'll be thinking of you at 1am. And 2am. And 3am....... ;)
thank you so much for stopping to cheer on our violet! (and if you can give me hints on keeping cora's blog in my sidebar i'd love to know them. she keeps leaving!)
ReplyDeleteI know how hard this is! Does she have tubes? This constant waking sounds like Cal a couple of months ago. Misery was my first name. We are like you too and I had to get Joe to help out. Now we have it where I nurse, then stand and walk around so he burps and falls asleep on my shoulder. THen I slowly lay him in my arms, not nursing, and then lay him in the crib. It works for a few hours. Before tubes he would cry right after I laid him down. However, the past 2-3 weeks we let him cry more (not for more than 10-15 minutes) and I think that maybe is letting him know. Our kids are smart. They know how to get and maintain control. However, that said, if there is a reason they are not feeling good, that needs to be explored. I do not let Cal eat a lot for supper so his tummy doesn't bother him. I give him water now also AND some melatonin. Teething is still a factor too though! You will get there, but it is hard. I know I baby Cal more than my other 2. But they took pacifiers and that helped!
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping my fingers crossed you get some help tomorrow at the ENT. I don't know how you do it! My middle child still doesn't always sleep through the night but I can't imagine getting up that many times. Wishing everyone in your house sleep soon!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing worse than lack of sleep!! Ugg...Hope that gets better for you. Good luck at the ENT today, hope it can help Cora.
ReplyDeleteBen's sleeping is a mess too. He was doing so well but has regressed in the last month or so. So I feel your pain about not sleeping well. Plus, Colin did not sleep through the night until he was 2:(
ReplyDeleteGood thing we saw that dern ENT - what a life saver. If felt like our prayers were answered ;--)
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