I'm sitting here, kids asleep, a slight buzzing of excitement coursing through my stomach and chest every few seconds. Tomorrow is Cora's fifth birthday. Five.Years. Old. How did this happen? How did my tiny baby turn into this lovely little girl? It's happened before my eyes, all the moments stretching into all the long days, the seasons and years soaring by.
This little hilarious, silly, loving, exasperating, strong-willed and amazing little girl...
Sometimes my heart feels like it can't contain my love. This girl went and made me a mother and turned everything I'd ever known upside down in the most perfect way.
She lives with joy and shares it with contagious abandon. She loves deep and hard and I am so blessed that she shares that love with me.
Happy, happy birthday, my sweet girl. I couldn't be more proud of you.
We spent the last few days having little celebrations for Cora's birthday. The weekend brought brunch with some good friends, and a dinner of pizza and kid's music and a trip to get ice cream with a couple of families that we love to spend time with. Sunday we took her swimming, where she dragged us on the water slide as many times as we could handle and threw a fit when it was time to leave.
Yesterday was Cora's actual birthday, and although Nick went to work, she and I spent the morning listening to Tallulah's Daddy play some music, and then having a mellow afternoon at home, just the two of us. We watched the birthday episode of Signing Time, we danced, we played with her Big Sister dolly Lulu and we made dinner, with Cora helping, of course.
After Nick got home we had a nice little birthday dinner with just the three of us.
Cora ate spaghetti and roasted rosemary bread. I'm pretty sure she actually ate a good amount of it, even though it looks like a lot on her face and bib.
Then came dessert with her special birthday Curious George cupcakes.
Everything started out pretty well. She was excited and she had already gotten a taste of the frosting after lunch.
But then her mood shifted and she started to rub frosting into her hair and eye.
Daddy thought it was pretty funny and wanted to join in on the silliness. So he masked himself and leaned in for a silly kiss.
It was no longer fun and games. Poor Cora.
Luckily, she cheered right up after Daddy wiped the scary frosting off his face.
And the combination of tears and silliness ended up turning into one of the messiest faces I've seen in a while.
We almost forgot about gifts, since a bath immediately followed. But Cora got to open a couple little presents before heading off to bed.
And now the whole birthday business is over. She is officially a three year old, ready to take on whatever adventures the next year will hold. I can't wait to see how much she will grow.
Oh, my dear girl, I can hardly believe that three years have passed. It's so hard to put into words how much I love you and how much you've made my life better.
So I will keep it short and sweet. I love you, little Beanie! And for me and all your fans, a glimpse at how much you've grown over the past year...
Cora and Kai's birthday weekend was brought to us by the signs "celebrate" and "rhinoceros."
"Celebrate" was obvious, since we celebrated the second birthdays that took place a couple of weeks ago. And we celebrated the simple ability to reunite, since Erin and her family live all the way in Vermont. It was a blast of sleep deprivation and way too much laughter.
"Rhino" may seem a bit less obvious, but it quickly became Cora's new obsession, as she couldn't pry herself away from the life-sized fiberglass rhino bust mounted on an exterior wall of my parents' house. Don't ask... But it's actually really cool.
Instead of too many words, here is a photo blast from the past few days.
Not usually the type to get too into the decor... we broke our rules and created a little oasis under the sea. The balloons and streamers were appreciated by the guests of honor.
We got a little silly with the food...
The most fun was putting together the fishy cupcakes the night before. They didn't look quite as immaculate as the ones in the cupcake book... but made up for their lack of perfection in creativity.
Not surprisingly, Cora did not want to touch or eat her cupcake. She did have a couple of icing-free M&Ms and some raw red bell pepper.
Kai gingerly took his fishy apart after 24 hours of eager anticipation. He woke up Saturday morning yelling, "It's my Birthday party! Leah's cupcakes! Downstairs! Now!" Anyone that knows Kai will know that these were the utterings of a crazed cupcake coveting boy and not his typical articulate and fully grammatical sentences. Not like his earlier musings after being told that Cora is a toddler just like he is. "Actually, Cora is a baby, not a toddler, Mira."
Cora the Bookworm was very excited for me to read her card to her.
The cousins actually played together, especially once Cora opened her new play kitchen. This was quite the accomplishment, since Miss Cora is pretty shy and generally wary of small people that make fast movements and loud noises. You know, like toddlers.
Cora and Auntie Mira signing "rhino." What good signers!
Cora and her favorite Auntie Eri.
There are way too many photos and moments to share, but suffice it to say that it was a wonderful time. Makes me wish Cora's birthdays rolled around more often. Okay, not really. Guess it's never too hard to come up with a reason for a good party, though.
We spent Cora's second birthday just the three of us in a very Cora-centric day. It was a blast.
The day started with a surprise video from her cousin Kai, who happily sang her parts of Happy Birthday and told "Can't wait to see you, Towa!"
We celebrated by doing all the things we thought Cora would love to do. Instead of a cake, we started off the day with a birthday cinnamon bun. But Cora wasn't that into it, so she got her very favorite food instead: a bagel with cream cheese.
"Mama, what is this? Can I please have a bagel?"
Then we took her to OMSI (the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) where there is an incredible play area for young kids. She had a blast in the pre-walker area and took over the ball pit. Then she ran into her favorite musician, Matt, AKA Talullah's Daddy. Look how excited she was to see him!
"Hey! I know you! But where's your guitar?"
She explored the sand area, the big wooden blocks, the market and kitchen complete with tons of toy food, the water play area and more.
But it was no surprise to us that she gravitated right to the book corner, where she happily sat in Daddy's lap and devoured all the science books. Have I mentioned that science is in her genes?
Once at home, she opened some gifts. Books, mostly. She was pretty excited to get some new ones by her favorite author, Eric Carle.
And she got a new simple shape puzzle, as she continues to learn about shapes.
We finished off the day with her favorite pizza and some episodes of Signing Time.
A lovely day with our happy little 2 year old girl.
And the birthday fun will continue. My sister is flying into town soon, so we'll be celebrating both Cora and her cousin Kai's birthdays with a a bash pretty soon.
We've been working on teaching you to say "two" for weeks. When we ask you how old you are, you grin, hold up both your index fingers and say "boo!" And oh, it just melts my mama's heart every time.
I can hardly believe you've graced our lives for two years already. I think back to the days and weeks after you were born, a time filled with so much worry and stress and fear.
Last year I experienced so many emotions leading up to your first birthday. That anniversary brought up so many feelings that I had been trying to push away. But it was cathartic. I was able to recognize how hard all your medical problems and hospital stays were for me. I was able to revisit your difficult birth, and acknowledge and accept my subsequent feelings and fears. I was able to learn to forgive myself for being weak, for being scared, and for being ashamed. I started to let go of my guilt and feelings of unworthiness and to accept my conflicting thoughts and emotions as a true and valid part of me; a part that was critical in taking me to where I need to go. And I learned that having those experiences didn't diminish my love for you in the slightest.
This year your birthday is different. The emotions I've been feeling are less tumultuous. Somehow my memories of the first few months of stress and worry are getting hazy. Even heart surgery seems so long ago. The joys of the ordinary life we've been living have finally started to eclipse that initial taste of heartache. And I am so, so grateful.
Cora, I am so proud of you.
I am proud of each thing you do and of every thing that you so painstakingly accomplish every day.
But my pride for you extends so far beyond what you can do. My pride extends to what you cannot yet do. It extends to your attitude and your meltdowns and all the things that we work on together every day.
When you were tiny, I told myself that you'd be the smartest, most accomplished person with Down syndrome ever. I was so sure that with enough work, it would be so. And of course I do want you to experience success and accomplishment. But now I know that even if you never talk or walk I will still be proud of you. For you are succeeding in the most important thing: bringing light, love, joy and meaning to so many lives.
This life I am sharing with you is indeed special. But I know that you were not trusted to me because I am special, as so many would say. Those that tell me that you are the lucky one, to be born into our family, don't know the real truth of it. But I do. We are the lucky ones, because we get to share our lives with you.
If I could bottle up your snuggles and your beautifully blown kisses, your giggles and your enormous silly grins, I think maybe it could change the world.
Thank you for being you. For being my baby and for not growing up too fast. Thank you for inspiring me every day, for making me laugh and making me cry. For letting me slow down as I hold you close. For showing me that good things come to those who wait.
Thank you for teaching me not to take you for granted. Thank you for showing me what is truly important.
