Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Good and Beautiful

I feel like writing about how ridiculously hard this long-term, reduces me-to-the-rawest-of-nerves sleep deprivation is going.  But just thinking about summoning those words makes me want to cry.

I often have the desire to write.  But in between the endless days with the kids, my barely-getting-it-done work, and my desperate and usually failed attempts to get rest, writing gets shuffled to the bottom of priorities.

There are many good and beautiful things going on, even as I fight the brain fog that seems to be winning.

These two are my good and my beautiful.

Every time I feel the desire to write about my girls, I start looking at their photos, and my words seem to escape me. 

I just can't seem to get past how much their growing love and friendship gets to me.  It's like magic.  It's healing.  It definitely makes me forget how many times I'm up at night... at least for a few minutes.  You know, until the next power struggle, tantrum, or screeching baby breaks the spell.

It's so beautiful to watch unfold.  What gets me more than anything is how much Ruby loves her sister.  How hard she will laugh at Cora's antics.  Gut-splitting, breath-stopping laughter. 

I see their love for one another and I can't believe I ever doubted the decision to add to our family.  So many of my worries seem so silly now.  I worried about how Cora would feel about her sister, about how my relationship with her would change.  I didn't spend nearly as much time thinking about how it would be for Ruby to enter this family.

Turns out Ruby thinks it's a hoot.  And I'm so glad.

I know that their relationship will grow and change as they grow and change.  Already, I'm feeling dizzy from how fast things are going.  This baby will be running circles around me very, very soon.  This big girl is almost done with her first year of preschool and is astounding me all the time.

This life is full of beauty and joy and love.

But damn it, I'd enjoy it so much more with a little bit of sleep.