Day 30- How it Flies

As Down Syndrome Awareness Month (or as some of us like to call it, Down Syndrome Acceptance Month) is wrapping up, I realize that I haven't said very much of what I'd hoped to say. There just hasn't been the time, or sufficient sleep to string thoughtful words together in the small windows when my girls are sleeping and I am not. It has felt overwhelming to post something every day, and so much of what I've posted has been light. I've been trying to put together a way to sum up what I really want to say. But my ability to provide enlightening or profound insight feels flat, and so instead, I want to re-share something I wrote in February of this year, shortly after Cora's fourth birthday. It pretty much sums up our life as it is... busy, messy, exhausting, sometimes overwhelming, and still beautiful.

The other night I had the rare experience of lying down with Cora at bedtime.  Usually I am in charge of the wee-one, who still wants only her mama at night, and has a pair of lungs that can easily keep her older sister from drifting off to dreamland.

I held her little self close, and smoothed her hair, whispering to her made-up-on-the-spot stories about Cora and Ruby and listened to her giggles.  After the days of listening to her argue and yell, always wanting to do things in her own little way, which seldom really jives with the way it works best for me... well, that little snuggle session felt pretty sweet.

And I couldn't help but thinking, "Oh my word, this girl is four, she is FOUR, she is four."  How could four years have already passed mothering this little turkey?  I had to make myself remember her tiny little baby self, tucked up in the NICU, hooked up to her apnea monitor, getting milk through her NG tube, and even getting handed to a kind nurse decked out in scrubs for her little body to be opened up and her heart be made whole.

 

All this time has passed between those moments.  My baby has become my little girl.  My silly, creative, curious, lovely, and sometimes infuriating little girl.  It's a trip, this parenting thing.

It changes oh so fast.  The moments when you feel stuck and overwhelmed, the moments when you feel blissfully at peace, all of them keep flying by.

These days life feels pretty different than I may have thought it would four years ago.  Our days are filled with song and dance, imaginative play, art projects that barely seem worth it they're over so fast, endless cleaning and constant errands.  They're filled with the most incredible little preschool and a very funny baby sister.

 They're filled with a strong-willed little girl who likes to show us who's really the boss.

They're filled with play-dates with new friends, and watching my shy little girl keep mostly to herself and then talk and laugh about how much fun she had after her friend goes home.  They're full of conversations with other parents that aren't always about Down syndrome, and these days often with parents whose own children don't have disabilities.

They're full of way too little sleep for me, a to-do list that never ends, and a feeling of always being stretched too thin and needed too much.  They're full of never-ending runny noses from school, and long rainy days.  They're full of missing my own friends and always telling myself how I need to prioritize my self and my adult relationships, too.

And they're full of laughter and games of peekaboo (or "kaboo!" as Cora likes to say), and hiding under the blankets in the guest room.  Skype dates with family, and long walks in the stroller.

They're full of life.  It's not really what I had pictured it to be.  It's pretty ordinary, largely exhausting, and overall a beautiful blessing.

My life with my awesome big four year old girl, and her sweet little sister.

Day 17- Apples!

Today, for our third year, we went to the apple festival at our local nursery.

The kids get to run giggling through the aisles and dance to live music.  They get to paint pumpkins, and then play with hula hoops after making silly faces through carnival cutouts. 

 

For the first time today we actually waited in the line to taste about 50 varieties of apple.  So worth waiting in the line, even with two small kids yelling "apple!" (or in Ruby's case, "uppuh!")  We bought quite a few pounds of apples, in all different varieties.  I'm looking forward to tossing a few of the sweet little organic baking apples into a crisp this afternoon.

It's always a lovely way to spend a couple of hours on a beautiful fall day.

Day 8- Laughter's Unfurled Wings

Wishing the happiest of birthdays to our girls' beloved Grammie.  

The Sweetest Gift

I can barely believe this summer is pretty much behind us.  I can barely believe that my last post was almost 2 months ago, when Miss Ruby celebrated her first birthday.

There are so many moments when I feel I should share my thoughts here.  But then I doubt myself (Do I really need to share that? Is that sharing too much as Cora gets older and should have more privacy?) or I get caught up in the overwhelming chaos that having two small children entails and time just keeps slipping by.

But here we are, ready to welcome back the long months of rain, ready to send Cora back to her wonderful preschool.  The summer has seen so much growth.  Ruby went from a barely toddling wee girl, to a running and spinning toddler who is trying so hard to catch up with her big sister.

Cora has grown in inches and shoe sizes, and is turning into such a lovely little girl.  All the traces of my sweet baby girl seem to have faded into her new contours, her new attitudes, and her astounding growth.  She continues to amaze us with her increases in communication. She is talking more and more, and those closest to her are starting to increasingly decipher her words.  It's a process, and a slower one than many are used to, but she works so hard and wants so much to be understood.  She's getting there and I am so proud.

These days the girls are barely up and out of their pajamas before they're both asking to go outside.  Cora says "Park, Mummy!" and Ruby pipes in with  "Bar! Bar!" while signing "outside."  Eventually we make our way down the front steps onto the expanse of grass across the street, where they take turns chasing one another around, playing peekaboo behind trees, and racing around calling for the neighborhood squirrels.




Witnessing a sisterhood like this develop and grow its roots feels like I'm being given glimpse into such a magical and private world.  Something deep and loving and BIG.  Something that I hope with all my hopes carries with them through this life.  Oh, they fight, of course.  Actually, most of the time Ruby ends up picking on her tender big sister.  We're working on it.  I'm sure we won't be able to eliminate the picking, but at least getting it to be a little more equal wouldn't be a bad idea.

But that's part of a sisterhood too.

I have been feeling especially nostalgic of late, reflecting on the generations of sisterhood in my family, and how very blessed I have been to witness such true and profound friendships.  To grow up seeing my mother and her sisters, such incredible women with such a close bond, really inspired me to value and encourage my relationship with my own two sisters, and has made watching my daughters' bond blossom all the sweeter.

In the last year, those sisters lost a member.  A deeply beloved member.  Her loss has rocked many, and though I have been grieving for my own loss and the loss of my girls who won't grow up knowing her, I just can't get over the enormous loss for the sisters left behind. 

I look on my own two girls' love for one another with silent prayers that their relationship will follow in the footsteps of their grandmother and their mother, and that they will keep one another close for many years to come.

These are big hopes.  That I know. For now, I get to witness their interactions and the complexity of their growing relationship.  They will choose for themselves as life unravels.  But they have some great examples before them, and the most heartfelt love for one another.  I sincerely hope the purity of that love will endure, even as life adds new layers and challenges.  That type of love is the sweetest gift.

Oh, Christmas Tree

I've been absent in the blogosphere of late.  Life with my girls has been going so fast.  We've had some sickness.  Oh we've had some sickness.  Instead of sharing Thanksgiving with beloved extended family, we shared it together with stomach-flu-for-four after a crazy up and down week full of medical mayhem.  Having sick kids is awful, but being so sick yourself that you can barely take care of them is worse.  Thank goodness the girls rallied at the end and avoided trips to the ER for dehydration.

But we seem to have come out the other side, and for that we are grateful.  We are also grateful to be gearing up for the holiday season for Ruby's first Christmas with us.

So far, we've got the tree.  In past years, getting a tree had been pretty hit or miss for Cora.  Sometimes fun, sometimes devastating, like all good family outings seem to be.  This year we were blessed with a somewhat warm day, and raindrops that mostly held off, while we went out seeking a lovely Noble from a local tree farm. 









The actual tree is the biggest we've had.  It fills up almost a third of the room.  But it's lovely.  Every morning when Cora walks out of the bedroom and sees it, we hear an exuberant, "Oooooh. Wow!"  That pretty much makes it worth it.

She was mostly happy to participate in decorating it, and slightly less happy to pose for photos with her little sister.  These days a good portion of their interactions involve Ruby grinning and giggling at her big sister, while Cora looks at her, says "no," and then looks away.  Poor Ruby.  Sometimes Cora can't help herself and gets in on the giggles.  And she loves to bring her baby sister toys.  It's a work in progress, this sister thing.

But overall we are happy to be witnessing the new dynamics in our family.  As Ruby grows and gets so much more interactive and playful she has been so much fun.  Yes, Cora is jealous of the attention her sister gets, and I'm sure that is hard for her.  But we are so happy to have this new little person in all our lives.  We'll see what the new year brings.

Easter Eggs

Seeing your kids have a blast on holidays is something that is hard to match. And this year Cora finally got into the excitement and had a great time.

We kept it pretty low key.  We started by making Eggs Benedict.  Cora really must be my daughter, because she ate every bite, proclaiming "nummy!" after most of them.  And for those that know about Cora's eating habits, eating every bite of anything is considered an accomplishment around here.

Then the fun began, as Cora ran around the front yard looking for Easter eggs. 

Seeing her get so excited to find each one, then hold them up to show us before running around for more was pretty amazing.  Especially because seeing her on her own two feet is still such an incredible thing to witness.

When she discovered that each egg actually held a piece of candy, she was pretty thrilled.  So she spent a few minutes eating every little chocolate egg she could find.

The rest of our day will be pretty low-key.  We'll be staying at home, and getting outside a little to take advantage of the snippets of sunshine that seem to be peeking through.  Happy Easter.

Sisters

I'm not sure if as a child I recognized how lucky I was to have my two sisters.

Erin and I were very close in age and were a combination of best friends, rivals, and antagonists all at the same time.  Mira was born when I was almost five and I was so proud I could hardly stand it.  I used to pretend that she was my baby.

Over the years our relationships changed.  Erin and I had our years of arguing, and then our years of growing close and becoming incredible friends.  Mira was younger, but was such an old soul, and so beloved by all of us, that the age difference didn't matter much. 

As an adult my sisters are two of my very best friends and two of the people I admire the most.  The only thing I'd change at all is the physical distance between the three of us.

They are the reasons that as a child I could only picture myself with daughters of my own.

This week I have been thrilled to learn that Cora will have her very own little sister in just a few short months. I can't say that I know what their relationship will be like, or really anything about it just yet.  But I can't help smiling as I remember this again and again, and I know just how lucky my girls will be to have one another.

Sisters!

A Few Days of Winter

Our little corner of the world is starting to thaw out, after a few days of real winter.  It's been over five years since we've had much in the way of snow, and it was beautiful and a bit thrilling.

Luckily, our family was able to stay at home.  Cora and I have been finishing up almost two weeks of having colds, so we'd already been cooped up for some time.  Having an excuse to stay in and watch our world change from the warmth of our little house made it all seem sweeter.

When we took Cora outside to experience the snow, she was pretty excited at first.  She happily let us help her with her coat and hat, mittens and boots. 

But then she actually walked in the stuff, fell in the stuff, and touched it with her bare hands.  That was it for her.  She was done.

But she was pretty happy smiling for the camera while sitting on the steps that Daddy just shoveled.

Over the next day or so, she allowed us to pull her around in our makeshift sled (the bus tub we use for her baths with a big rope tied around it.)

Late Saturday, the snow turned to freezing rain, and turned our winter wonderland into a slippery, icy, dangerous mess.  The city sent out emergency warnings telling people to stay home and to keep cars off the roads.   Eventually, the freezing rain turned to the plain old rain we know and love, and we're now in the slow melt.

I guess it's time to get back to our regular lives about now.   If we can venture my little not-very-snow-ready car beyond the driveway, I'm sure Cora would love an outing that extends beyond the front yard, and I know that I could sure stand to get out of the house.

But it was nice to get a little bit of winter.  I'm just glad it was just for a few days.