My Birthday Girl - 2 Years Old!!!

My dearest Cora Bean,

Today you turn two years old.

We've been working on teaching you to say "two" for weeks.  When we ask you how old you are, you grin, hold up both your index fingers and say "boo!"  And oh, it just melts my mama's heart every time.

I can hardly believe you've graced our lives for two years already.  I think back to the days and weeks after you were born, a time filled with so much worry and stress and fear. 

Last year I experienced so many emotions leading up to your first birthday.  That anniversary brought up so many feelings that I had been trying to push away.  But it was cathartic. I was able to recognize how hard all your medical problems and hospital stays were for me. I was able to revisit your difficult birth, and acknowledge and accept my subsequent feelings and fears.  I was able to learn to forgive myself for being weak, for being scared, and for being ashamed.  I started to let go of my guilt and feelings of unworthiness and to accept my conflicting thoughts and emotions as a true and valid part of me; a part that was critical in taking me to where I need to go.  And I learned that having those experiences didn't diminish my love for you in the slightest.

This year your birthday is different.  The emotions I've been feeling are less tumultuous.  Somehow my memories of the first few months of stress and worry are getting hazy.  Even heart surgery seems so long ago.  The joys of the ordinary life we've been living have finally started to eclipse that initial taste of heartache.  And I am so, so grateful.

Cora, I am so proud of you.

I am proud of each thing you do and of every thing that you so painstakingly accomplish every day.

But my pride for you extends so far beyond what you can do.  My pride extends to what you cannot yet do.  It extends to your attitude and your meltdowns and all the things that we work on together every day.

When you were tiny, I told myself that you'd be the smartest, most accomplished person with Down syndrome ever.  I was so sure that with enough work, it would be so.  And of course I do want you to experience success and accomplishment.  But now I know that even if you never talk or walk I will still be proud of you.  For you are succeeding in the most important thing: bringing light, love, joy and meaning to so many lives.

This life I am sharing with you is indeed special.  But I know that you were not trusted to me because I am special, as so many would say.  Those that tell me that you are the lucky one, to be born into our family, don't know the real truth of it.  But I do.  We are the lucky ones, because we get to share our lives with you.

If I could bottle up your snuggles and your beautifully blown kisses, your giggles and your enormous silly grins, I think maybe it could change the world.

Thank you for being you.  For being my baby and for not growing up too fast.  Thank you for inspiring me every day, for making me laugh and making me cry.   For letting me slow down as I hold you close.  For showing me that good things come to those who wait.

Thank you for teaching me not to take you for granted.  Thank you for showing me what is truly important.

I love you, sweet girl.

Read Me a Book

"Book" is probably the spoken word Cora uses the most.  It sounds an awful lot like most of her other spoken words.  "Booooooo..."  Said along with the sign, that word gets some serious mileage around here.

But nothing gets as much mileage as her actual books.  Whether she's throwing them all over the floor again and again, or gingerly choosing one book at a time and scooting it across the floor for me to read, this girl is a serious bookworm, just like her mama.

Here she is chasing me around trying to get me to read to her.

Could you resist this face?  (Even with traces of yummy stew from lunch on the cheeks?)

Cora finally got fed up with the camera and covered it with her book.  Point taken, Beanie.

To Tide You Over

For the grandmas and the aunties and the friends who need their Beanie fix....

Cora wants to wish a very Happy Birthday to her cousin, Kai!  We love you Kai!

It's Flying By

Marking the passage of time as we put up the new calendar feels bittersweet this year.  Before Cora, it signified only more candles on my own cake.

But now that I am watching Cora grow too, the moments seem more important, the small milestones more momentous. 

In just two weeks we'll be putting another year of her life behind us as well, as she will officially become two years old.  And even though she is still a baby in some ways, the little girl in her is emerging more and more each day. 

So much of the time her development seems to happen in slow motion, as she learns to accomplish things in gradual layers, rather than at the warp speed that comes naturally to so many other children.  But I look at her now and see how much she is accomplishing, and how impossible it is to take it for granted.  I look at photos of her even months ago and see how changed she is. 



And of course, so much of me wants to preserve her as she is, to stop time from passing and revel in holding my baby tightly.  The rest of me can't wait for her to reveal more of herself to me as she grows and changes.

Yes, bittersweet.

This was a lovely year.  A year of some stresses, to be sure, but of many firsts and many wonderful moments with our little family and the rest of our family and friends.

I'm looking forward to another year of firsts; to watch Cora grow into toddlerhood.  The list of things she needs to learn seems daunting, yet I know in my heart that she will get there and that where she is right now is just fine.

Silly goose!

How New Front Teeth Almost Killed Christmas

Cora gave me a lovely gift yesterday on Christmas Eve.

She ended her 4-day nursing strike.  It all started with biting.  She may not have many teeth, but the ones she has are SHARP!  Apparently she was traumatized by my saying "ouch" and putting her down, because after a couple of days of frequent bites (and yes, she is working on some apparently huge new front teeth right now), she began to refuse to nurse.  She'd ask to nurse, then whine and twist away with every attempt.

I know that she is almost 2 and that for most toddlers, weaning at this age would be a viable option.  But this girlie isn't big on drinking from cups or bottles.  We have a shelf full of them, and when she is feeling very interested she may drink an ounce or so.  That's it.  Over the past few days, we surrounded her with cups and choices of beverage and I went out and bought a useless manual pump.  I scoured Kellymom and Babycenter for advice. We were trying everything.

After the first day of her strike, she was dehydrated and we were scrambling to get fluids in her.  After a ton of effort, the only solution seemed to be smoothies given by syringe.

I started out the holidays stressed out, worrying about her intake, my milk supply and whether she would get past this.  It brought me right back to her first few months of round-the-clock feedings, NG tubes and a baby who just didn't want to eat.  Stress and tears and worries.  Days I really don't want to re-live any time soon.

So on the night before Christmas Eve, when she began nursing at night (usually not on the menu) without biting, and then snuggling in to nurse even when awake, I sighed with the biggest relief.  And elation. 



After an evening of food and merriment, this morning we got down to the business of celebrating Christmas, sitting in our jammies, sipping coffee and mimosas, eating sticky buns right from the oven.  Rooty-toot-toots and rummy-tum-tums all the way. 



Stockings and lovely handmade gifts.  Cora and I even got something I've been wanting for the two of us well before I even had Cora:  matching aprons from Auntie Tara.  Beautiful.



May your day be merry and bright.

Wish List

As we have witnessed such heartache and tragedy recently, we've been holding our own babies closer.  As I've held my own Cora tighter, thinking of the families who've lost their babies, I've also been thinking of the children without families; the children who have no one to hold them tightly.

Those of us in the Down syndrome community know about the great efforts of many families to adopt children with Down syndrome from other parts of the world.

We know that in Eastern Europe, children with Down syndrome are routinely given up and placed in orphanages, only to be transferred to adult mental institutions a few years later.  The survival rate for children in these institutions is so small it is staggering.

The idea of our own sweet babies, like Cora, Hailey, and Ellie awaiting this fate simply by being born with an extra chromosome in a different culture seems impossible.   Picturing my own beautiful girl peering out from behind the bars of a crib without a family to love her breaks my heart.

Many of us have been supporting the adoptions of these children through donations, though pursuing adoptions, and by advocating for some of the children in need of families.

Here in Portland, I've been getting involved with local Down syndrome community, and that is where I met the Nine family.  The Nines have seven children, one of whom rocks an extra chromosome and hails from Russia.  Sweet Vahnya was adopted in 2011 and is such an incredible part of their family.

Now the Nines are in the process of pursuing their second adoption and plan to bring home Sebastian some time next year.

Sebastian is 2 years old and weighs only 12 pounds.  He can not sit up by himself.  He takes his only food through a bottle.  

It is known that the orphanage where little Sebastian lives does not have great conditions, and many people are working to change that.  In the meantime, this sweet boy has no family with him to protect him or to love him.  His life literally depends on becoming a part of this amazing family that are so ready to welcome him home.

There are so many worthy causes.  So many groups and individuals truly deserving of your hard earned donations.  But your donations can truly help save a child like Sebastian's life.  His actual, literal life.  How often is that extra dollar you drop in a bucket or few dollars you spend on coffee actually working to save someone's life?  How often can checking off one item on your Christmas wish list make such a different in someone's life?

This holiday season, if you're looking for a meaningful gift, consider donating in your loved ones' name to Sebastian's adoption, or to another deserving child on Reece's Rainbow.  Donations through Reece's Rainbow are tax deductible, and are a great idea for a stocking stuffer.

Every dollar helps.  Please consider donating today.

Donate to Sebastian's adoption fund through the Reece's Rainbow adoption ministry or visit the the Nine's adoption blog to read more about their journey and donate to their Chip-in to help cover costs that the Reece's Rainbow funds cannot cover.

Consider it your gift to Cora.

April 15, 2013 Update:  The Nine family has plans to make their first trip abroad in their adoption process, where they will get to meet Sebastian.  They are close to meeting their fundraising goal for the first trip; but this is only the beginning.  I know that they can raise the money to save this child's life.  Please share, if you can, or donate, if you're able.

Sorrow and Joy

The last week has been a hodgepodge of hustle and bustle, activities and events, sadness and tears.

On Tuesday there was a shooting at our local mall, where I had taken Cora just a couple of days earlier.  That evening I went to the playgroup that I co-host for our local Down syndrome Association with goodies to find that no one else had made it out. 

And then, of course, later this week we were all stunned by the senseless and tragic shooting in Connecticut.  I don't have any profound insights to offer, but it's clear that this holiday season has been tainted by these sorrowful events.  Our festivities seem dampened, even as the moments seem sharper and our children more precious.  

But the last week has contained some joy, as well.

We've had Christmas parties and play-dates.

And December in our house means birthdays too.  Yesterday I celebrated my 35th birthday.  It was a lovely day, starting with breakfast with three of my best girl friends (yes, without husband and child!), a lazy afternoon with my family, and a dinner so great that even Cora spent the evening eating everything in sight.

Now we are prepping to travel in a few days to see Nick's family in Spokane for Christmas, happy to let Cora spend a few good days with her Daddy's side of the family.

We've been dancing to Christmas music, watching Cora sign "tree" a lot, and watching Cora rip up tissue paper as she preps for her starring role on Christmas morning.

And our little miss has been impressing us with her gradually improving gross motor skills.  No, she's not taking off walking yet, but ever since she got her Sure Steps foot and ankle braces a couple of months ago, her stability and confidence has improved dramatically.  She is so much more steady on her feet, and when the mood strikes has been pulling up to stand on her own a lot more.  She will use her heavily weighted push toy with some spotting, and loves to walk across the floor if her hands are held.  Especially if we sing along... "We are the dinosaurs.... marching... marching!"  Music is a great motivator for Little Beanie.

A couple more glimpses of my pretty little sassy girl, just for fun.

 

Wishing you all a beautiful holiday season.