Sometimes the thoughts in my head seem to take over my body, to take over my life. Sometimes I just feel like I can't stop the churning. Then the little thoughts and ideas all spin together and become a big, overwhelming ball of too much.
Sometimes I just don't feel like I can handle it all. I have days like yesterday, when I woke up overwhelmed for no good reason. The day's events sound relaxed and pleasant: breakfast at New Seasons to give Cora her coveted bagels, music with Tallulah's Daddy, and then calming tricks for me during naptime. Mellow music on Pandora, a steaming mug of chamomile tea, a warm bath. Nothing was helping. I even splurged on a solo outing while Cora had a date with her Daddy at the pool. I was dropping Rescue Remedy like water, but nothing seemed able to stop the anxieties from overwhelming me.
But today is a new day. Today I feel calm. Today we took Cora to a lovely friend's birthday party, where she hid from everybody and then had a good time rocking out when a great kid's musician played. Today I am relaxed on the couch with my laptop, thinking about a trip to the park.
Why is today so different from yesterday? Why do I feel like a human today, when yesterday the world kept trying to eat me alive?
Some days the world seems too big. Things like thinking about preschools and helping Cora deal with other children, orchestrating her schedule, and making a thousand little decisions; it always feels like there are such big repercussions for it all.
Sometimes Down syndrome feels too big. Sometimes the blog posts I want to read just send me into my cycles of stress and worry. Some days I just can't keep up. Some days the ideas and perspectives, successes and not-yet-successes I see on Facebook just make me want to hide from it all. Sometimes I just want to hide and stop all the spinning, all the churning, all the mess in my head.
And some days the world seems bright, the perspectives enlightening, my daughter inspiring. So glad today is one of those days.
|The best inspiration.|