Tuesday, October 4, 2011
31 for 21- Day 4: What Would I Say?
I took a call from a friend a few days ago, who broke the news that a mutual acquaintance of ours is expecting a baby. My friend wanted to know if I would talk to her, since she is interested in having a home birth. My friend also hoped that I would be willing to talk to her about prenatal testing options, since she is worried about the risk of things "going wrong." It seems that if there were anything "wrong", it'd be a deal breaker.
So my friend thought that I'd be the perfect person for her to talk to. And as happy as I am to talk about what we've been through, I started to wonder what I would say. What do I have to offer? I guess I do know about the testing options available now... And I have a wonderful naturopathic midwife that I'd trust with my own life. And now I have all this perspective on the subject of prenatal testing and things "going wrong"... right? Since things "went wrong" with me?
But what I don't have is the perspective on making the kind of choices that prenatal testing tends to lead to.
What I hope that I could offer is the perspective on how things can turn out perfectly right even when the test results don't give you the answers that you may have wanted. And I could help guide her toward glimpses of other families whose lives have been enhanced by the very extra chromosome that so many others perceive as being wrong. Moms like Annie, Megan, Courtney, and Jennifer. I can hope that our stories could give a worried expectant mother a vision of other options when looking into prenatal testing.
But what do I say in the meantime? Am I strong enough to offer my insights knowing full well that even so, the recipient could very well still make a choice that breaks my heart? I guess I have to be. Because that is part of learning to be a voice for my daughter. Especially in an age where the vast majority of babies diagnosed prenatally are not carried to term.
I guess discovering what to say will have to be a work in progress. I can certainly say that Cora is the greatest joy of my life and that if I could, I'd choose to have her over and over again.